Would I ever change for someone? Fuck no.
But what happens if I really like the person and I know changing would only benefit myself and the relationship that was occurring because I doubt being an “drug snorting, pill popping, weed smoking, lying, manipulative, sex feign, alcoholic is the traits a Christian guy is looking for.
My days are limited as far as partying is concerned and my best friend is gang banging my personal space as far as decisions are concerned. I know its her cousin, and I know I’m her best friend, but fucking A man, let me do my own thing because this is all going to come to an end here eventually. And soon enough.
What can I say…. never in a million years would I have ever envisioned myself in this position. And just for shits and giggles, never in a year’s span would I ever imagined to be in such a position where I’m at now.
A year ago…. a jobless alcoholic who could give just about a rat’s ass on anyone’s opinion. A free-spirited girl swimming through oceans of liquor and beer at a constant pace, and someone just going through the motions of life with basically not a care in the world. Every day was a party. Every night was forgotten. This was my routine.
Now, here I am. 21 years old, with a job, a vehicle I don’t drive, a court date pending for an OWI and other serious offenses, and torn between so many men in my life who have fallen for me.
It all started with Chris. I guy I met through a party that I basically drank, smoked, and fucked around with. A guy who truly likes me and respects me, just deep down I know is not for me. Then Josh… a guy who I can honestly say I’ve had some of the most adventurous times with. A guy who has been respectful, who has taken me out to dinner, helped find me a car that I’m still clueless on how to drive and even provided me with a vehicle of his own to use until the meantime. And… something…. it just doesn’t click. Don’t get me wrong… he’s a great guy. But he’s someone else’s great guy, he’s just not mine.
So here I am, I’m the possible brink of dating a guy who has already been married and lost his wife all at the age of 28 at the time. A great guy with such a humorous personality. A country boy at heart who plays piano out of this world….
I remember attending his wife’s wake after she had passed. I never formally met the guy, but did come there to pay my respects considering this was my best friend’s cousin’s wife. That’s all I did and left, never thinking twice about anything.
How did this all start?
No clue to be honest. Every time he’d come over, I was too shy to say anything to him especially since I didn’t know jack crap about him. I just remember being asked to play guitar for a “special” song that was going to be sung for a church service and throughout them few practices during the week, something just eventually evolved from that.
I’m just interested on what’s going to evolve this weekend.